I came across a cool blog called, Hilarity in Shoes. It’s written by a single 36 year-old girl who’s tag line is:  ”Voice of a slightly bitter generation. Dating, mating, relating, and medicating in D.C.”  Hysterical, I thought.  It reminded me of myself a few years ago — the neurotic dater, never happy with any guy I dated. Now I’m the neurotic girl in a relationship at times, but that’s another story for another blog.

I recently had lunch with a friend who is in her early forties and got married just a few months ago. A couple years ago, we would meet every week and read through the book, “Calling in the One” together. Over coffee and sushi we both worked through our “issues” and eventually attracted good men in this city. At our lunch, we reminisced about how many walls we had up and attitudes we carried around with us as we dated.

Many single girls go up to my friend now and ask her, “How did you finally get married at 40?!” “What magic did you pull out of your skinny jeans?” Of course, we both have many lessons to share! Here are a few:

Don’t Think You Know it All: Stay open and present on your first date or two. Don’t assume you know EVERYTHING about the guy, just because he’s a banker or teacher and does that thing with his hands. Don’t peg him into a category– you will just cut yourself off from possibilities. Instead, let him show you who he really is and surprise you! Stay open. No one is always what they seem — especially on the first few dates!

Don’t Lie to Yourself: Many girls say they want to be in a good relationship, yet they keep dating the guy who is ready to run for the hills at any moment. You know, the guy who says he’s going to call, but doesn’t. The guy who tells you you’re really hot, but isn’t ready for a real relationship, and god forbid, marriage! You obviously don’t really want a relationship yourself if you’re dating the unavailable guy so get real and honest.

It’s All About You: The only real relationship is the one with yourself. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. You come first. Everything starts with you. How many different ways can I say this? The guy is just a mirror, showing you how you really feel about yourself. Perfect the relationship with yourself (or get as close as possible) and find happiness on your own, then it can bleed into your relationship. Clean your side of the street first!

Dating is a fine art in NYC. As much as I love Hilary’s blog, don’t get stuck in the negative chatter. There are great men in this city. You can find love at any age. Everything is possible! Say that fives time fast, 20 times a day and you won’t need the medication.  Though a little bourbon every now and then doesn’t hurt.